You know, it never ceases to amaze me how often we humans cling to the past, especially when it comes to conversations. I had this enlightening exchange with my friend Nick recently that really got me thinking about how we communicate and why we're so quick to say, "But you said..."
I want to share this little story with you, because I think it highlights an important lesson about living in the present and embracing change.
The Trap of "But You Said..."
Nick called to get my opinion on a personal matter. After I spoke, he said, “That’s not what you said last time.”
“Okay,” I said. “How long ago was that?”
“Couple of months.”
“Was the situation then exactly the same?”
“Pretty close.”
“Then what I said a couple of months ago about a different situation might not apply here. Circumstances have changed, you have changed.”
“But you said—”
I laughed as I interrupted. “You realize that you’re quoting me to me, right?”
“But—”
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed again and interrupted. “You asked me what I thought NOW about THIS situation. I don’t even care what I said about a different situation two months ago, when you were different and I was stupider. You’re asking my opinion now, and you just got it.”
Moving Forward: Letting Go for Personal and Relational Growth
How often have you said—or heard—“But you said . . . ?” It’s almost like we’re looking for reasons to argue with people. If you want to know what someone believes or feels now, ask them.
Don’t bring up the past to argue with them. Live now. Enjoy it. Learn from it.
Let the past go, which will only hold you back.
Replace your fear and confusion with peace and happiness.
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