While watching a movie recently, I was struck by a character's humorous yet poignant desire to understand his wife's thoughts and feelings.
It made me reflect on how often we ask the wrong questions in relationships, leading to confusion rather than clarity.
In this short discussion, I'll share insights on how asking the right questions can transform your relationships.
Unproductive Questions
In a movie I was watching, one of the characters said, “Sometimes when I look at my wife’s head, I want to crack it open, unspool her brain, and find the answers to the primal questions of any relationship: What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What have we done to each other?”
Although this is clever writing, these questions are most unwieldy and unproductive. We can’t ask them cleanly, we can’t answer them effectively, and they tend only to confuse us.
Shifting Focus: The Questions That Matter
So what are the real questions, the questions that matter, the questions that lead to meaningful relationships?
They’re simple:
- What are my partner’s wounds?
- What are my partner’s fears?
- What does my partner need?
- How can I love my partner in ways that will fill her needs and calm her fears?
Without an understanding of unconditional love, these questions will forever be mysterious, not to mention the answers.
Transforming Relationships Through Real Love®
As we find Real Love® and learn to share it, however, these questions guide us to a fulfillment in relationship that previously we could not have imagined.
Of this I have personal experience.
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