Iād been working in the backyard for a couple of hours with my nine-year-old grandson, Brad, when his seven-year-old sister, Megan, came out to help.
Because Brad had already learned how to do that particular task, he took it upon himself to instruct Megan and āsuperviseā her work.
A little power is tempting, and soon Brad was correcting her small mistakes far more than necessary.
I could see that Megan wasnāt really enjoying the level of supervision, so unobtrusively I whispered to Brad, āWhat do you think? Does it look like Megan is enjoying herself?ā
Brad thought for a moment and said, āHmm, I could be a little less bossy, right?ā
āItās a thought.ā
Brad stopped bossing his sister, and we all enjoyed our time together.
Instructing Instead of Correcting
When children make mistakes, we assume that we have to correct them. We treat them as though they are too stupid to figure out what works and what doesnāt. Iām embarrassed to remember how often Iāve told my children, āStop that,ā or āQuit bothering your brother.ā
What children really need is our love and instruction. They need us to ask, āWhat do you think?ā and with that support they will usually make more loving and productive choices. LovingandTeaching are far more effective than criticizing and controlling.
Want to learn more?
Eliminate confusion and conflict with your children.