When my grandchild Jack was four years old, there were few things more delightful than his arrival at our house for a visit.
He ran across the kitchen floor and flung himself into the air, four limbs splayed as far apart as he could get them, with no doubt that I would catch him and hold him.
And then we played. A lot.
I pushed him on a tire suspended from high in a tree. We explored the creek and the woods. We threw rocks. We hammered nails. We splashed in puddles.
Enjoying Time with a Child Without Expectations
Jack thoroughly enjoyed our time together, but when he was young I canāt remember him saying, āWow, Grandpa, thanks for making this path through the woods,ā or āYou must have spent a lot of time digging postholes, installing supports, shoveling mud in the rain, and hauling gravel to make this great ramp up the side of the dam for the lake, so we could ride our tricycles and motorized cars there.ā
In other words, Jack was not big in the gratitude department. He didnāt understand the effort that went into suspending a chain for a tire swing from a branch more than thirty feet off the ground.
And thereās nothing wrong with that. At that point, it was not his job to be understanding and grateful. He was a kid. It was his job to feel loved and gradually to learn to be more responsible and loving.
Parents Loving without Expectations
I suppose thatās one reason I especially enjoy loving grandchildren. When Iām with them, thereās no confusion about trading Imitation Love. I give because I want to, knowing that Iāll get nothing in return.
Sure, I enjoy their smiles and giggles, but those responses donāt make me feel more important or valued; Iām just happy for them.
Our job as parents is to learn to love a child and to love with a child, but not to get love or gratitude from a child. They donāt teach us to love, just give us the opportunities to practice loving.
I am not saying that children have no ability to love unconditionally, nor that they donāt need to learn gratitude. I am saying, however, that their ability is quite limited while they are young.
By virtue of their weakness and dependence upon adultsāespecially their parentsāthey simply need us too much to have much unconditional concern for our happiness.
And we need children and other people who canāt reward us for our love and service. These people give us invaluable opportunities to practice loving unconditionally. Iām grateful for them.
Want to learn more?
Eliminate confusion and conflict with your children.