Take a slow look around you. Phones are everywhere. Entire rooms of peopleāat school, at home, at workāare glued to their screens and oblivious to each other. Odds are, you have a phone in your hand right now.
One teenager writes, āKids in the hallways bump into each other because everybody is staring down at their phones.
"Teachers are giving up on the schoolās no-phone policy because students quickly hide their devices and pull them out as soon as no oneās looking.
"At lunch, everybody eats alone, scrolling TikTok while they chew.ā
And this kid is describing the vast majority of his age group, as proven by uncounted studies.
Is Phone Addiction Real?
Addiction is defined as the use of any substance or behavior (1) that is harmful to oneās personal happiness or ability to socialize with others and (2) which the user cannot easily quit.
So, most of our children have a cell phone addiction.
And where do our kids get their phones? From US, the parents. We are their dealers.
Phone Addiction and Anxiety
Research now shows phone use associated with rapidly rising rates of teenage anxiety and depression. One recent worldwide study says this: āThe younger kids are when they get their first phone, the worse their mental health will be.ā
Phone Addiction and Relationships
Listen to the words of a 13-year-old boy whose family has given him a rich, nurturing life WITHOUT a phone. He says that every time one of his classmates gets a phone, he thinks to himself, āThere goes another one. Iāve lost another friend. Whenever Iām with them, theyāre zoned out on their phone.ā
What Causes Phone Addiction
But despite all Iāve said about phones, theyāre still not the real problem.
Weāre failing to see that what every child wants is a feeling of CONNECTION with other people. Itās as important as food or air, but if they canāt get that connection from you, they WILL find it somewhere else.
They settle for āconnectionā on their phoneāto every āfriend,ā acquaintance, corporation, predator, bully, celebrity, salesman, and crazy influencer who can access the Internet.
But these connections are dangerous imitations of what children really needāand theyāre insanely available. Most of us donāt know how to give them the life-giving connection provided by unconditional love at home, so instead we hand them a phone, happy to be free of any emotional responsibility for them.
Phone Addiction: How to Stop
Take the first step right now. Say out loud these words: āMy child is addicted to the phone I gave him or her, and itās hurting them more than I knew.ā Then resolve that youāll do something about it and save their lives.
Is there a solution to this addiction? Oh YES, there IS.
First, children do NOT need a phone. They DO sometimes need Internet connectionānotably for school assignmentsābut they can do that from a home computer or school computer, where their screens can be seen at all times and their Internet history examined.
They can get a Gabb phoneāor its equivalentāwhere they can text, phone, and be geo-located but without Internet access.
How to Prevent Phone Addiction
I recommend children not get a phone until theyāre eighteen. Not kidding. Legally, they canāt smoke in most states until theyāre twenty-one, because we recognize the health hazards. Why can we not recognize the emotional hazards of phonesāevery bit as dangerous as smoking?
While theyāre young, while their young brains are setting down pathways for a lifetime, while theyāre learning who they are and how the world works, they need every moment possible to be devoted to learning how to feel unconditionally loved, how to love others, and how to be responsible.
We canāt remove all the distractions of the worldāwe canāt control everythingābut we CAN do something about the distractions of a phone.
Eliminating phones is just a beginning. It allows parents to begin nurturing their children with the ONE thing they need more than anything else: unconditional love. Without that love, only removing phones is like tearing the tops off weeds: theyāll grow back and will kill the plants we desire.
Where can we find this unconditional loveāor Real LoveĀ®āthat our children need as much as they need air and water? Go to www.RealLoveParents.com and learn how you can find Real LoveĀ® for yourself and share this gift of life with your children.
Want to learn more?
Eliminate confusion and conflict with your children.