As I neared the conclusion of an intervention with a couple, it was obvious that they both understood the mistakes they’d made, as well as how to avoid them in the future. They understood and FELT Real Love, which was a beautiful experience to witness.
At one point the husband, Matt, said, “This is a miracle. It’s like moving to an entirely new world, a world with new rules, new tools, new everything. We can’t use the same criteria for success. The measurements are different.”
How insightful of Matt. In the world of Imitation Love, we measure success—moving positively on the scale of life—by the acquisition of praise, money, power, sex, and more. We measure failure—negative on the scale—by the absence of these commodities, as well as by the presence of criticism, frustration, loneliness, and so on.
So how do we measure success in the world of Real Love and happiness? In the journal Scientific Monthly, the statement was once made that “it is fairly certain that no metric (system or standard of measurement) exists that can be applied directly to happiness.” I suggest, however, that happiness actually can be measured, both in the positive and the negative direction.
Let’s begin with the negative metrics. In the New World of Real Love, we know we’re moving in the negative direction as we identify the obstacles to happiness: (1) fear, (2) anger, (3) confusion, and (4) the past (meaning that we bring up or carry around past mistakes).
This does NOT mean that we SHOULD NOT have fear, anger, confusion, or thoughts of the past, only that these conditions are MEASURES of our moving in a negative direction. These negative metrics are just information, notifying us that we need to reconsider or discuss what we’re doing or believing.
What are the positive metrics in the New World of Real Love? Peace, confidence, and gratitude. When I am feeling genuinely peaceful—which is far more profound than simply the absence of conflict—and confident and grateful, I can be certain that I’m moving in the direction of true and lasting happiness.
To simplify, my life will be happier when I remind myself:
1. To tolerate (A) no fear, (B) no anger, (C) no confusion, and (D) no past.
2. To regularly assess my level of peace, confidence, and gratitude.
Replace your fear, anger & confusion with peace and happiness.
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