For many years I have watched people lie and tell the truth. It's obvious that we are virtual geniuses when it comes to telling the truth about the mistakes and flaws of other people. We detect every nuance of the errors and unloving behaviors of others, but most of us are cane-tapping, guide-dog, lost-in-a-cave, coal-black blind when it comes to seeing our own mistakes and unloving characteristics.
Is that hypocritical, when we leap to describe the flaws of others while possessing those same flaws ourselves? Oh sure, a little, but it's not nearly as much about hypocrisy as it is about pain. Describing our own mistakes is painful, because we've been taught that when we're flawed, we're less worthwhile. We've seen that lesson in the faces of countless people. When we're in pain, we don't think clearly at all, nor do we make wise decisions. Describing the mistakes of other people isn't nearly as painful as describing our own, so it's just easier. We don't intend to be selfish and unkind as we point fingers.
Solution? Just keep practicing the process of telling the truth about yourself, bit by bit, to people who demonstrate any capability of accepting you. This takes a leap of pure faith in the beginning—because you don't know how it will turn out—but the more you do this, the more loved you'll feel, and the easier it will become to see and share your flaws. You'll also discover that you have much less interest in finding fault with others.
