As a life coach, I often receive letters from individuals sharing their transformative journeys. One such letter came from someone whose marriage had been marked by emotional distance and criticism.
This letter beautifully illustrates how adopting a mindset of appreciation and understanding can turn a struggling marriage into a miracle of love and connection.
I received the following letter:
The Beginning of Emotional Distance
"Within a few weeks of our getting married, my husband, Andre, began to pull away from me emotionally, then physically.
Discovering the Power of Real Love®
The distance has increased steadily for years until the last year or so, when I've been studying and practicing the stuff in the Real Love books. Oh my, what a difference it has made in our lives.
"Last night, Andre made chicken soup just for me. You cannot imagine how rare an event that is. He gave me a magazine to read. He pointed out that he'd bought batteries for all the smoke detectors in the house, which we do once a year.
A Shift in Perspective and Behavior
"This is a little embarrassing, but even a few months ago, here's how I would have reacted to Andre's behaviors that I just described:
- I would have criticized the ingredients of the soup,
- I would have snarled at him about disturbing what I was doing when he handed me the magazine,
- I would have demanded to see the batteries to approve of the brand he bought, and
- I would have taken his purchase of the batteries as an accusation that I should have done it weeks before.
"No kidding, I realized that I would have done every one of those things. Even worse, I wouldn't have recognized that I was doing a single thing wrong.
"Let me tell you a story from the past to show what I mean. During one argument, Andre told me that he felt like everything he did was wrong, according to me. What did I say next? 'No, that's not right.' I was so hurtful and foolish."
The Miracle of Connection and Gratitude
"So last night was a miracle. I felt loved that he would make soup for me, and I enjoyed a good meal. I enjoyed reading the magazine, and it was obvious he was proud of himself when I thanked him for the magazine and the batteries. I never used to tell him when he did anything right—much less thank him—and he really, really likes gratitude and recognition. Here I was starving him of both all those years.
"All this is happening because I'm becoming less of a witch. I used to criticize him all the time, and he'd become truly afraid of me, and that has really changed a lot. He actually starts conversations with me, and he hadn't done that for a long time. He touches me. He looks at me. It's all a true miracle."
You can experience a real miracle in your marriage or partnership. Listen to or read Real Love in Marriage, the truth about finding genuine happiness now and forever. To really help yourself learn these principles, do the companion workbook, 40 Days to Real Love and Happiness in Your Marriage.
