Gravity Does Not Pick On You

Tamara called and said, "I really miss Victor [her old boyfriend, whom she'd left two weeks before]."

"I'm sure you do. Tell me what you miss."

"He was fun, intelligent, lots of things."

"Was he loving?"

"Well, sometimes."

I had spoken to Tamara before, so I already knew that Victor was an angry man and was selfish most of the time. I wasn't guessing when I said, "What you mean is that sometimes he gave you what you liked if you gave him what he wanted."

"I guess that's true. I don't like admitting it, but you're right."

"So I get that he could be fun, and that's a lot to miss. But you don't get to pick what parts you'll take of someone you're in a relationship with. Along with the fun, you get the rest. It's a law. So, with Victor, what's the whole package like?"

"He can be really insensitive and unkind. And angry. And irresponsible."

"And during your relationship, did those qualities noticeably improve?"

"No, they actually got worse."

"Are you willing to live with that degree of selfishness and irresponsibility?"

"Not really."

"So it doesn't make much sense to miss him, does it? He had some positive traits–who doesn't?–but you don't really miss the misery you lived in while you were with him, do you?"

"No, but I still wish it were different."

"I completely understand, but it doesn't work like that–not ever."

I then explained that happiness has laws attached to it, just like the laws of physics. It's fun, for example, to jump off a cliff. For a while, you're weightless, the wind blows through your hair, and the view is spectacular. But then–unless you're attached to, say, a hang glider–you hit the bottom, and you're dead or crippled.

Gravity doesn't pick on you. Gravity is simply a constant, and you can decide to pay attention to it or not. Same with happiness. If you want to be happy, you have to live according to the laws of truth, love, and responsibility. If you don't, the consequences are as consistent as gravity. If you choose a partner who ignores the Laws of Happiness, the consequences are also consistent.

Laws are not constrictive. They simply define the consequences of our behavior. If we ignore them, the consequences are consistently miserable. If we learn them and live by them, we can create happiness and fulfilling relationships with the same predictability.