How You Know When You're NOT Controlling

In this short segment from Video Chat 351, Greg helps a woman who has been controlling everyone, realize when she ISN'T being controlling. This proves to her that she CAN live without being controlling. 


This is from a woman who all her life has struggled with controlling people. Obviously, she's afraid. That's why people control, to make them feel less helpless and weak. So, they control others and she does it by being critical and angry.

Naturally, her husband doesn't especially like being controlled. He probably didn't even notice it in the beginning when they were exchanging Imitation Love at a furious rate. And he's learned to just back away. So, he's just distant. It's not a warm relationship.

She writes, “Yesterday and today (with Don her husband) were really good. I felt open, responsible, communicating, bold, and we've been having fun.” That's probably the best criterion that you're not controlling—if you're having fun and he's having fun. If you're having fun alone, well, you would know. But remember this, because moments like this, actually you described as all day, they prove you can do it.

So, now you just maintain it. And you remember this because if you're not having fun, and if you're not feeling—I think your expression was ‘open, responsible, communicating, bold’— then you're probably controlling. By the time, because you've been doing it for so long, by the time you notice that you're controlling, you're probably at least 12 steps into controlling. Pay attention more to the freedom, happiness and fun and when that starts to lose its luster, you're on your way toward what you don't want.

Learn more about eliminating your fear and anger. 

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About the author 

Greg Baer, M.D.

I am the founder of The Real Love® Company, Inc, a non-profit organization. Following the sale of my successful ophthalmology practice I have dedicated the past 25 years to teaching people a remarkable process that replaces all of life's "crazy" with peace, confidence and meaning in various aspects of their personal lives, including parenting, marriages, the workplace and more.