November 27

Change the Assignment

November 27, 2017

Marriage

“I wanna scream,” Velora said.

“Because . . .?” I asked.

“For the past three years, I’ve asked my husband to take the garbage out of the house on his way to work, but nothing’s working. He’s promised and promised, but he just doesn’t do it. And he’s supposed to get an appraisal to replace the kitchen floor too. I guess I just have to keep being a witch about it and hope for the best?”

“Maybe you’re asking the wrong question. Maybe you’d like to know how NOT to be a witch and still get everything done in a loving home.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Let’s consider your premise. You believe that if you do enough—perhaps if you’re witchy enough—you might motivate that worthless husband of yours to do what he promised. Right?”

“Yes.”

“What if your premise is wrong? What if you gave up getting HIM to do those two jobs and simply decided to get the JOBS done. Isn’t that what you want?”

“Yes, but I don’t want to do everything myself. I want him to help me with some things around the house.”

“So, what if you could get him to help around the house and not have to be a witch to get it done. Would you like that?”

After talking to both of them, I learned that Velora’s husband, Matt, hated taking the garbage out on his way to work. He worked at a prestigious firm where it was not advantageous to come in smelling of garbage. And he hated admitting that he knew nothing about fixing anything, much less replacing a kitchen floor. What Velora wanted most was some relief from the kids when Matt got home, so what a happy coincidence that Matt loved playing with the kids, changing diapers, and feeding them.

So instead of pushing Matt to do two jobs he hated, they just switched the assignments around until everybody was happy. Velora took out the garbage and figured out on the Internet how to get a couple of contractor bids for the floor. At the end of the day, Matt gave her a welcome respite from the never-ending demands of taking care of two kids. Everybody was happy, nobody had to play the role of witch.

If we don’t get emotionally involved and stuck in being right, there is a solution to almost any problem.

Real Love in Marriage

Find genuine happiness now and forever.

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