I saw a woman, Karen, in my office who was very afraid of nearly everything in life, and whose response to fear was to please everyone. She didn’t know who she was and had no discernible personality.
Karen began to describe her partner of twenty years, and after a couple of sentences, I said, “Do you mind if I finish your description?”
Although she looked surprised, she agreed. I told her that her partner was utterly selfish, never admitted to being wrong, didn’t hesitate to assume that Karen would give up her own comfort in any moment to do something for him, and if Karen said she was hurt by anything he did, he would turn it back around into something she had done to hurt him. I added that at a party he paid attention to everyone in the room but Karen, and later if she said anything about it, he denied it as though he had no idea what she was talking about.
As I spoke, Karen’s eyebrows steadily rose until she finally said, “How do you know all this?”
“Once you know the bait,” I said, “You know the prey.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’ve met YOU. You have ‘Use me’ written across your forehead, and expert users—narcissists mostly—would spot you a mile away. I simply described a narcissist, the very person who would mostly likely prey on a people pleaser like you. If you were not a people pleaser, you wouldn’t have attracted the prey you did.”
All trappers know that you put out certain bait to attract certain animals, whether to a hook, or a noose, or a snare, or whatever trap is set. People are attracted to certain kinds of bait too, and we need to be aware of that.
A woman once asked me why all men treated her like a piece of meat, to which I immediately answered, “Because you’re dressed like a piece of meat.” Her clothing was designed—and not subtly—to simultaneously reveal and draw attraction to her sexual attributes. Surprisingly, she listened to me, so when I met her a year later, she said, “I was wrong. All men do NOT treat women like pieces of meat. Now that I’ve learned to dress differently—and she really was dressed differently—I have found an entirely different class of men. I love it.”
If you want to attract an unconditionally loving partner, BECOME ONE. You will be the kind of bait that attracts genuine love.
Learn how to find the perfect partner.
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